83.
Traditional Survivor Series Match
Boris Zhukov, The Orient Express & Sgt Slaughter vs. The Bushwhackers, Nikolai Volkoff & Tito Santana
Survivor Series 1990
Quite fitting that on the show that provided us with an all time historic wrestlecrap moment finds itself with representation here. While not as infamous as the Gobbledygooker, this match is probably every bit as terrible.
One of the best things about modern WWE that we often take for granted is the improvement in traditional Survivor Series matches. If Wrestlemania gives wrestlers superhuman powers to kick out of stuff they shouldn’t, Survivor Series is the show where wrestlers cannot survive the most mundane offence. Thankfully WWE are a lot better for this now, but even as recently as the early 2000s, guys were jobbing to scoop slams, clotheslines, everything under the sun.. It takes less than a minute for Boris to get eliminated by a single flying clothesline. Dudes are getting eliminated left and right to immediately set up a 4 on 1 situation with Slaughter versus the babyface team. For example, the Orient Express would go on to have one of my favourite WWE tag matches ever just two months later at the Royal Rumble. But if you’re expecting anything from them here, I’ve got some bad news.
I mentioned a couple weeks back about feeling guilty about putting on some Bushwhackers matches, given Butch’s recent passing. I’m afraid to say that there’s times where I watch the Bushwhackers and think it’s the lowest point in wrestling history from a workrate perspective. Maybe it’s a sign of the times, but these guys can be very difficult to watch. Their offence looks like shit, they are so over the top cartoonish, they’re slow. It’s grim. Slaughter manages to easily defeat Volkoff and the Bushwhackers in some quite terrible wrestling. Despite quick eliminations, somehow this match is boring me.
That leaves Tito Santana and Slaughter. Tito, to his credit, actually brings a slight energy and workrate to this match very briefly. This is comfortably the only tolerable part of the match, which makes it end on a relative high point. Adnan ends up getting Slaughter disqualified unintentionally despite Slaughter never feeling like he was in any particular danger. So on top of very bad wrestling, we’ve got illogical booking.
Every time I watch this, I cannot help but think how ridiculous, terrible, and long winded Slaughter’s promo is before the match. My dude’s throat must have been killing him by the end of it. This is of course during Slaughter’s heel turn as an Iraqi sympathiser that would eventually lead to him shocking the world at Royal Rumble 1991 to win the WWF Championship from the Ultimate Warrior. I won’t pretend to be an expert of this era of WWF, and my exposure to Slaughter during this time period is limited mostly to this, the Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, and the shockingly great Desert Storm match with Hulk Hogan. But I know enough to know that deciding to use a real life war as the basis of a storyline is about as tasteless as you can go, from a company that is renowned for some pretty tacky shit.
The only reason this match isn’t higher is because I had no expectations for it in the first place, and I thankfully didn’t have to exist through this in real time. But make no mistake, this is one of the worst examples of these early traditional Survivor Series matches.
Up Next - there’s times when I look forward to these reviews because I’ve often got a lot to say. Next time, not really, as we go to Trump Plaza for a sad match between two legends.
https://discord.com/channels/1007269901859307631/1059557356238811227
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